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"It felt like they could express what was going on in their lives, as well as God working for them in their lives.”
- Mary Dean Beland
A Common Refuge
Mary Dean Beland Steps Down from Single Parents Ministry
Story by Tracy Brown
Photos by Rob Wilkins
Mary Dean Beland keeps a well-worn copy of “Psalms for the Single Mom” in her car. One of her favorite ‘psalms’ is “Single Name on A Double Sports Roster”, which describes the pain of a single mom having to sign just her name on a sports roster full of coupled parent names. The author, Lisa Hussey, said in order to make herself feel better she took her own copy of the roster and penciled in God’s name next to hers since she knew He was with her, always.
Mary Dean likes the story - not because she’s a single mom but because she isn’t. It has helped her better understand the plight of the single parent. However, during the four years she has headed the single parents ministry at Grace, this understanding has deepened primarily from dozens of stories of courage and heartbreak that she has witnessed first hand.
Strangely enough, she didn’t apply for the job of single parents ministry coordinator. When Grace counselor Pam Lessig called her in December 2002 to meet about the ministry she thought she wanted her opinions since she’d helped out some while Tina Roberts was in charge. However when the subject of the vacancy came up, Mary Dean felt it was a God-directed opportunity. With encouragement of Pam and Dean Cortese, a pastor at Grace, Mary Dean decided to take the job.
Looking back she says, “At Grace there was always the challenge of having to get across that it really wasn’t a program but a ministry.” What’s the difference? It’s the difference between simply meeting once a week as a support group and accompanying a single mom with a troubled child on a trip to a school principal’s office. The difference between planning Bible studies and finding a replacement refrigerator before all the food in the broken one can spoil. Mary Dean organized many events, but more importantly she pastored the people.
One of the single mothers summed up Mary Dean’s impact by saying, “What a blessing you have been to so many with so many different needs. I admire your heart for service – especially for a group that is often ignored or not known what to do with in most church communities.” Another single mother expressed, “You and the single parent group have helped me to heal and to grow in my faith. I owe you so much for that.” These quotes are found along with many others in the scrapbook that the group gave to Mary Dean as a parting remembrance.
It isn’t easy for Mary Dean to step away from the ministry, although she knows she’s being led in new directions now as surely as she knew it four years ago. She says, “It’s hard to leave. I really can’t be truly finished until someone else takes over.” And yet she is excited that when she looks over the roster of fifty-seven single parents that she knows of at least twenty who are now active in Bible studies, and some are even leading in other groups.
“We realized we didn’t need to be an isolated group like the meetings we used to have on Wednesday nights,” she explains. “By letting the members join in other things, they’ve grown.” On the other hand, she’ll never forget the retreat planned especially for the single mothers that took place at High Pastures in Burnsville, NC. The whole group was on a hike and it began to rain. They took refuge in a prayer tower for about thirty minutes. “We spent the time singing, praising, crying, and it felt like they could express what was going on in their lives, as well as God working for them in their lives.”
It is delicate balance to bring the single parents into the body of the church and yet still tend to their needs while protecting privacy or preserving dignity. Mary Dean made the difficult decision last year to forgo putting up an ‘angel’ tree in the foyer that always guaranteed an abundance of giving towards the single parents Christmas party. Instead she’d recognized how uncomfortable it made some of the single parents and went the tough road in trying to garner the same response without all the fanfare. It resulted in more work for her to solicit individuals quietly, but as she says, “The church cares about these people. They’ve reached out and cared for the single parents which has made my job easy.”
She writes in an email regarding all those she wants to thank for their help, “There are so many people who have come along side me in this ministry, many of whom I do not even know, who have helped financially to always keep this ministry afloat and making it a real practical help to the single parents. Others have donated vehicles to be given away. What a blessing that has been. Chip Jones and Adam Rinke have helped keep those cars and others running, by donating their time and mechanic expertise to these moms. Dick Lyons, Dick Cuyler, Mickey Beland, John Klontz, and Doug Barbash have gone above and beyond by helping fix up houses and with moving everything from appliances to whole households. They are amazing! Daryl Hollis, David Combs, Linda Schwandt, Ellen Seagle and Carl Margenau have been available for financial counseling. There are several women who I have continually counted on to help wherever needed: Amy Mast, Marlene Roden, Sarah McCammon, Susan Dennis, Diane Margenau, Tina Roberts, Debbie Rayl, Denise Sherril, the staff at Grace, and the list could go on and on. I do apologize for all those I left out. I know I will wake up in the night with ten more names that come to mind. God has been faithful and the people have stood by me and been such prayer warriors, loved me and single parents well, they will continually stay close to my heart. I am truly overwhelmed with a grateful heart!”
In Mary Dean’s scrapbook, one of the parents has put a beautiful postcard with a quote from Pearl Bailey: “People see God every day. They just don’t recognize him.” It isn’t so hard to see God in the ministry Mary Dean has led for the single parents. As Lisa Hussey describes it in that well- worn book that Mary Dean still carries around, “Jesus with skin on.” Thankfully with the ministry that she’s furthered, Mary Dean can rely on the knowledge that God will soon find new skin to shine through.
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